If only I’d been nerfed.

Last week I was invited to a sports day, a la primary school, or this thing Americans do called “church camp”. In fact, you can read all about it here

It was a really fantastic day and made me feel very happy to be where I am. In life that is. And geographically too. There was just one problem. I had been promised nerf. And there was no nerf.

Now, I didn’t know much about these things, but did you know how cheap these foam-projectile projecting handguns actually are? Really cheap, that’s how cheap. Unless you get the huge one with the scope. I wonder if that even works?

As my first order of business in the weekly act of avoiding using my Saturday morning productively, I checked mapquest and then spent an hour roaming the area surrounding the Arboretum and intersection of the 183 and Capital of Texas Highway. This is one of those parts of the world that really reminds you why capitalism is bad. You know, generating poverty alongside wealth at an uneven rate is one thing, but when I can’t find a Toys ‘r’ Us for all the Best Buys, Crate & Barrels, and yes, Ross Dress for Less stores, we have a problem. I mean, I don’t live in Dallas for a reason.

It was an unmitigated disaster. It was at this point that I angrily drove to Target and remembered that yes, they really do have everything. I passed my eye over the rather ludicrous options for the sniper assassin who likes to use foam to irritate rather than lead to kill, and got myself one of these bad boys:

The Nerf Maverick

I’ll never know how I walked out of there without the glow-in-the-dark microdarts. Trust me, the fact that we were going to gradually massage each other with foam shrapnel in broad daylight had nothing to do with it.

They glow in the dark. Why that would ever be necessary completely escapes me. But isn’t it fantastic? What an idea. I’m going back to my apartment to shoot darts at the wall. Every day I spend here I get weaker, while they get stronger. I want nerf!!!


One response to “If only I’d been nerfed.

  1. i’m sorry the nerf action didn’t happen, but dude, do not worry. henri will SO bring it. in fact, you might be sorry you asked for it.

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