Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 is the shiznit.

Oh yeah. You heard me. I was reading the blog of a friend the other day who didn’t take kindly to the Too Human demo, and it dawned on me that for someone who likes video games, I haven’t really got excited about one in a while. There are two main reasons for this: the last game I played was MGS4, and I am apparently the only person on the earth who thinks it’s really, really boring. I feel the same way about Shakespeare, actually. I ‘get’ the idea behind Metal Gear, just as I ‘get’ how Shakespeare works. I think both are boring. It’s quite fitting as there’s plenty of fanboys out there who seem to think Hideo Kojima is Shakespeare.

Which is pretty funny in itself. The second reason is that I’m broke. I’ve gone past graduate student broke. I am now in the territory of Chris Tucker being cast to play me in the movie of my life.

If Chris Tucker could do an Irish accent. And if I was black.

Incidentally, did you know that New Line gave Chris Tucker $40 million dollars for a two movie deal? He essentially got paid $20 million for Rush Hour 3. He also got a guarantee for 20% against that $20 million for that same film. I just want to reiterate here: I’m talking about Rush Hour 3.

What is going on? Fair play to Chris Tucker, he’s clearly either very intelligent, intelligent enough to surround himself with good negotiators, or intelligent enough to be less out of his mind than New Line. Insane.

Anyway… the title of the blog post. Go and play Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2. It’s fantastic. It’s ten dollars. I would actually cite this game as a reason to spend $300 on an Xbox 360. Just get it.

I’m going to the car wash to pay off my ten dollars.

I’m starting to enjoy living in the Cultural Apocalypse

Ok, so this is the least original post ever, as this clip has to be everywhere on the Internet, but wow.

I mean, wow.

ICYMI: The Today Show plays Rock Band! @ Yahoo! Video

I didn’t write about E3 all week, but…

I really, really want to play Rage, Far Cry 2, and if I don’t get to play Animal Crossing: City Folk in the next twelve months, I might freak out.

Also, best video ever:

Apple, there’s only so much more of this I can take.

I hate this guy:

Apple and I have an unhealthy relationship.  The company makes products, which I buy.  These products invariably break shortly after the basic warranty runs out, at which point I go ahead and replace it with the updated model.  I am a sucker.  I am the whitest of the white.  I am Apple’s customer base, personified.  They dish it, I take it.

I got an iPod Touch pretty early on, and so I paid for an update so I could use Mail and similar applications once they decided to make it work for the iPod Touch as well as the iPhone.  I ended up being fairly grateful for that, as I used the services a lot.  But now I’m done.

Apple wants to charge me $9.95 to update my iPod to 2.0, so that I can use applications, essentially.  Considering the fact that the applications cost money themselves, I am less than impressed.  It’s not like the iPod Touch was cheap to begin with.

Apple does this crap knowing that the average Apple customer will just put up with it, but why should we?  I was looking forward to Monkey Ball on an iPod and using it as a remote for my computer (I’m one of those people) but I can’t look at myself in the mirror if I hand over a penny for a SOFTWARE UPDATE THAT I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DOWNLOAD FOR FREE.

It’s disgusting, and I’m getting sick of it.  I’m kind of stuck with Apple computers now, and there isn’t an MP3 device that realistically rivals the iPod, but I’m not going to get nickel and dimed like this anymore.  I still love you Apple, but you suck.

A tragedy of pretty ample proportions.

This week’s reason for no posts is a sad one.

My iBook is dead.  Not just that, but this is two iBooks in a row.  I know the Mac world has moved on to Macbooks and so on, but forgive me if I’m a wee bit peeved that Apple don’t seem interested in making a laptop that lasts longer than two years.

What will I do now?  Will I have to go back to……. Windows?  I really hope not.  I’ve been window-shopping PC laptops and remembered some of the things I miss least about the old Compaq.

• Install disks.  I have an external hard drive, that I hooked up to my iBook, and everything worked.  I threw the install disk away.  Really, install disks?
• Uninstalling stuff.  It’s nice that on OS X you just throw stuff in the trash and it’s gone, but I wouldn’t be THAT against the Windows way of uninstalling programs except that it doesn’t always work.  And that makes me sad.
• ‘Security’ updates that slow the crap out of my computer.  Viruses. Spyware.  It’s a mess.
• Windows just looks crappy.  That simple.  I got excited when ‘Longhorn’ looked like an OS X rip-off waiting to happen. I would have no problem switching back to PC if they succeeded.  But Vista is rubbish.  And slow.  I write and use e-mail.  That’s it.  And Vista is still too slow.
• DLL files.  God.
• Internet Explorer

People who don’t have Macs assume the reason people who do own Macs get so zealous about it is that they’re a bit mad, or fashion conscious, or just plain weird.  The reason we love our Macs is because Windows is SO CRAP.  It is so awful.  If Windows was in any way half-decent I would have switched back ages ago.  Now I may have to do that, but not exactly ‘willingly’.

My car has also stopped moving and is in the shop, having been towed there.  I don’t even have the energy to think about it.  What a week.

Help.

Penny Arcade + XBLA = I Heart Adventure Games

I’m not the biggest Penny Arcade fan in the world, though I think those guys are pretty cool; I plan to go to PAX this year and I read the comic now and again.  Ok, it’s not particularly time intensive, but give me a break.

I’m not even five minutes into the ludicrously long-titled adventure/action/RPG Penny Arcade game and I think I’m in love.  A lot of the reviews have talked about how it’s a love-hate thing based almost entirely on how you feel about the comic’s sense of humour.  I disagree.

For some odd reason, the world hates adventure games, unless they’re disguised as uber-violent shooters. What happened to the heyday of King’s Quest and Maniac Mansion?

Sigh.  It’s almost a pity this game feels the need to have RPG trappings at all, but I won’t knock it.  I could finally be coming around to living with episodic content.  Maybe.

Sports Games + GTA = Dead Genre

I’m done with sports games.

I haven’t enjoyed a Pro Evolution Soccer game in three years, and when I got Madden last year I played it for about a week and then stopped.

The fact of the matter is, I just get more enjoyment out of other types of games. And they feel more like videogames in their own right.

I’m not sure if this is the jump to full-time videogame nerd, but I no longer want to plug in a console to try and recreate something that happens in real life.  Rockstar has shown me the way:  when it comes to online, I’d rather decapitate you with the blades of my pilfered helicopter than score a touchdown by fooling you with the play action.

So, I’m done.  Case in point:  I’m playing Lost Odyssey, my first JRPG (Japanese Role Playing Game) in a LONG time.  And it’s fantastic.  And I will finish it.  Thirty hours of game time from now.

I don’t think I’ve spent that much time on a sports game, in single-player at least, since NHL ’06.  Those were the days.

Something for the weekend

Okay, either Henry Rollins is in GTAIV or somebody (i.e. Jimmy Gestapo) sounds a LOT like Henry Rollins.  

I was lucky enough to be interviewed by the fantastic Sarah Posh, here.

I haven’t played any Metal Gear since Metal Gear Solid (I know, I know), so flashbacks are going to help me out once the new game comes out.

1up have produced an excellent piece on video game packaging. It reminds me of being present at an auction of Richard Garriott’s personal stuff with no hope of affording any of it.  

The rest of my weekend is given up to grading, roller derby, and a certain video game.

It doesn’t justify a blog post…

… but I don’t care.

Henry Rollins is in GTA IV.  I didn’t know that.

Yes.

And why not blog?

…Japanese is eating my life.

I have played about eight minutes of GTA:IV.  Really.